


who was lost and who was found

by Tsundeyama



Category: Given (Anime)
Genre: (yano shougo did an amazing job), First Kiss, I'm awful at tagging, M/M, New Beginnings, Past Relationships, coming to terms with things, episode 09, i don't know how to tag, stream fuyu no hanashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-23 17:44:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21085322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsundeyama/pseuds/Tsundeyama
Summary: ritsuka has to get back. he doesn’t really want to — he’d much rather stay with mafuyu and talk to him. he has to go back, but it’s hard when mafuyu’s clinging to him, lost and exhausted and with so much things to tell him.





	who was lost and who was found

**Author's Note:**

> i've been listening to fuyu no hanashi on loop for 36 minutes straight, more if you count the hour i spent on this piece when i first started it when episode 09 aired. as much as i love this song, i want to die.

his fingers are not moving along the strings like they’re supposed to, lost in someone that is not here’s hair, traveling across the skin of a ghost. mafuyu still manages a note here and there and maybe he shouldn’t but no one cares because his sound, his voice, is so bewitching that nothing matters as much as the words he’s screaming out — his guitar, uenoyama’s, kaji’s drums or haruki’s bass are just background noise, almost inaudible compared to his song. at least it feels that way to uenoyama. 

he can’t hear his sound anymore, just like haruki predicted, he got swallowed up in mafuyu’s — he doesn’t care. he doesn’t care about being out of tune, about pulling the wrong strings, all he cares about is mafuyu and his song. 

he is beautiful, everything about him is and it’s almost painful as ritsuka stares. it’s surely written on his face right now, how in love he is with mafuyu and he’s glad no one is looking at him right now. just like he is looking at the man he loves, mafuyu is keeping his eyes closed, lost in the past, in his memories of the man he loved and sometimes he opens his eyes and stares in front of him, looking at nothing because he knows yuuki is not here and won’t ever be by his side again. he’s staring at the ghost of him, crying out, singing his feelings, his pain, his loneliness away — all the words he struggled to say, all the emotions he struggled to name, finally out in the open in the most beautiful way. 

ritsuka shouldn’t be smiling but still he is. because he’s proud of what mafuyu has become. because he’s having so much fun on stage with him. because he hasn’t felt so happy in a very long time. and the redhead turns his way for a moment and his smile widen, encouraging. mafuyu sees it. mafuyu sees him and he wants to cry. 

he won’t. not now. maybe once the song is over he’ll allow his voice to crack, he’ll allow his feet to lead him in uenoyama’s embrace where it will feel safe to cry. maybe he’ll tell him the whole story about him and yuuki and maybe he’ll thank uenoyama for everything he did — pulling him back on his feet, giving him a purpose once again, teaching him how to love again. 

⋆⋆⋆

out of breath, mafuyu staggers toward his guitarist, almost crumbles down in his arms. uenoyama won’t let him though, as he puts an arm around his shoulders, keeping him together. 

for now, none of them care about the live. mafuyu is drained, physically and emotionally and uenoyama’s only concern is to get him out of the stage so he can cool down and regain a composure. he holds his bandmate close to him and his lips rest against mafuyu’s temple for no more than three seconds but that exactly what the redhead needs.

they get off the stage, leaving haruki to deal with the crowd until ritsuka gets back. he doesn’t really want to — he’d much rather stay with mafuyu and talk to him but he understands that he has some responsibilities towards his group, he can’t just abandon them in the middle of a concert like that. he has to go back, but it’s hard when mafuyu’s clinging to him, lost and exhausted and with so much things to tell him. 

**« thank you. » ** _he starts. _ **« for everything, thank y— »**

and his words are muffled by uenoyama’s lips against his. he doesn’t kiss back, eyes wide as he is trying to understand what is going on. uenoyama is kissing him. 

it’s not that much of a surprise to mafuyu, not when the guitarist made it so obvious that he was crushing on him — uenoyama is a disaster gay for sure — but still, he wasn’t expecting that to happen. not now. 

mafuyu wants to cry. he fought back the tears for so long on stage and he wants to let it all out, not because he is sad or lonely or lost because he is not anymore. not because he wants yuuki —well he still does somehow, but not like this. 

he wants to cry because it’s too much, because he feels so loved right now, he feels so in love himself. he feels valid. he wants to break down in tears in uenoyama’s arms, to hold him tight, to hear him confess and confess in turn. but he doesn’t. 

mafuyu isn’t kissing back. he isn’t and uenoyama really feels like the biggest fool. _what was i thinking ? what’s with the timing ? _he scolds himself. couldn’t he hold back for a while ? did he really think it a good idea to kiss mafuyu right now when he just sang his heart out on stage, mourning for a boyfriend that was taken away from him by life itself ?

mafuyu doesn’t need that right now. mafuyu needs to work his feelings out properly — more properly than by just putting his pain in a song. but uenoyama didn’t think, he couldn’t hold back, he just had this urge to kiss him out of nowhere because he had no words to even begin to describe how mafuyu’s song made him feel. how it shook him to the core. 

uenoyama is starting to regret all his life choices when he feels mafuyu shift slightly in his hold. careful hands gripped his black t-shirt as mafuyu kissed back, at last. 

**« thank you, uenoyama-kun. » **

mafuyu smiles after pulling away. he genuinely is thankful and for so much more than uenoyama could ever imagine right now. 

they don’t talk further. mafuyu doesn’t stop uenoyama from returning on the stage — how long has it been since they left so suddenly ? he’ll make sure to apologize to haruki and kaji later. 

mafuyu doesn’t confess. he doesn’t break down. he just stays in the hallway, sits on the floor with yuuki’s guitar in his arms, alone but still not lonely. he can still feel uenoyama’s warmth around him. 

with a smile, he plays a few notes on his guitar before looking up at the celling, but even past that at the sky, almost sure yuuki is looking down at him with the same smile. mafuyu still feels sorry for a lot of things, and he still doesn’t know if he’ll ever forgive himself for what he did and said. 

**« how i wish you were still here yuuki. how i wish i could tell you about how i fell in love again. »**

he closes his eyes, genuinely happy as he imagined yuuki congratulating him. _« i’m glad you were able to move on at last » _he can almost hear him say. 

mafuyu didn’t confess, not tonight, but he know that next time, definitely, he will. 


End file.
